These are skills that anyone can learn – and benefit from – even though people casually use “consciousness” and “awareness” in a fuzzy way. Being aware isn’t passive. It’s an action that takes place mentally, and if that action doesn’t take place, you can be awake without actually applying much consciousness. To illustrate, we can begin with the most basic awareness skill, being centered. The experience of many actors and singers is that they suffer from terrible stage fright until the moment they walk on stage, when suddenly they fall into a groove – despite their nerves, great performers like Olivier and Pavarotti, two notable sufferers from stage fright, showed total command of their art before the public. What causes such an instantaneous transformation? A combination of things:
- They became self-possessed.
- Nervousness turned to calmness inside.
- A practiced skill took over, as if on its own.
- They found themselves totally focused in the moment.
These are the ingredients of being centered. The last one is probably the most important. Before a performer steps on stage, there’s no demand to be present, to live in the moment. This gives wiggle room for nerves, queasiness, pacing back and forth – all signs of distraction. But to sing or act before an audience demands that you be present; it’s make or break. If your mind/body knows this, and if you have learned through repetition to meet the demand of the present moment, getting centered comes automatically.
Most leaders are performers, too – besides public speaking, they are called upon generally to set their personality aside in order to meet the demands placed by other people. A writer who had long-term access to President Obama remarked on how skillfully the president had learned to shift his personal manner as he moved from one event to the next. In an hour’s span he might be called upon to meet with grieving families after a catastrophe, discuss policy with his cabinet, welcome a new appointee, and hold a news conference. Obama remarked that this quick-change didn’t come naturally to him. He isn’t by nature a performer. But he has trained himself – as every President must – to encompass a job with many facets. How should you train yourself to be centered? First, take an objective look at the traits you’d see in someone who is very good at it already. Such a person
- Puts his entire attention on the job at hand
- Makes other people feel as if they have his entire attention while talking to him (a typical remake: “He made me feel for those five minutes that I was the most important thing he had to attend to that day.”)
- Remains calm in the midst of crisis and chaos.
- Rises to her best under pressure.
- Absorbs new information quickly.
- Keeps his self-possession.
- Doesn’t retreat from the moment.
- Isn’t easily distracted.
- Finds it easy to stay in the flow.
Once you honestly rate how well you are doing, the question is how to improve. First, stop doing the opposite things, which defeat being centered.
Don’t multi-task. Focus on the moment at hand.
Resist being distracted. Close the door, turn off the phone, and have your computer screen go black if you are talking to someone who needs your attention.
Don’t use discussions in a one-sided way, as a sounding board for yourself. Others can tell when you aren’t interested in them, and one of the surest signs is silent impatience while you wait for them to quit talking.
Avoid obvious signs of a lack of interest, such as tapping your pencil, fidgeting, interrupting others before they finish, glancing out the window, etc.
Don’t isolate yourself in a private space when talking to others. Instead of sitting back behind your desk with your arms crossed, join the other person and lean into them while they talk.
Don’t scatter your attention randomly. Manage your mental time efficiently, so that you can be alone for serious thinking and share your mind at other times without feeling that you are being pulled away from what you’re interested in.
Avoiding these missteps and bad habits will go a long way. But you also need the positive experience of being centered. It begins when you are alone. In a quiet place, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and go inward. Place your attention on your heart, in the center of your chest. Sit quietly and easily let your attention remain there. If it is pulled away by random thoughts, recenter as soon as you notice what has happened. After a few minutes open your eyes. For the next half hour or so, observe yourself to see if you remain centered. Don’t instantly throw yourself into external demands.
Deepak Chopra will be speaking at Melbourne’s I Can Do It! 2013 event . Visit www.hayhouse.com.au for more information and tickets.
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Tell us about yourself!
I’m a busy mum based in Sydney with two beautiful children aged 7 and 9. I work for myself as a Health and Lifestyle Coach with a real focus on children’s and family health. I run different programs, including Kitchen Makeovers, Healthy Eating Workshops, Food Tours, Corporate Workshops, One-on-One Coaching and Healthy Kids Cooking Parties.
Why do you do what you do?
I do what I do because I am passionate about educating children from an early age about the importance of health and lifestyle. Ingraining positive health habits helps to ensure a longer, healthier, happier life, and looks after the planet at the same time. I believe that if we educate children while they are still young, they can apply this knowledge throughout their life and then pass it on to their own children.
What’s your biggest dream?
To get some rest! No, really, one of my big dreams is simply to see my children grow up to question the world, to be resilient within it, and to be happy and healthy. I find myself wishing that people would actually wake up and understand what they are eating, what they are feeding their kids and how this can have a dramatic affect on their life.
If you could change one thing in the world for the better, what would that be?
Scrap all additives, preservatives, colouring, flavouring, trans fats, vegetable oils, refined sugars and flours for good…just eat real food.
What’s the first thing you do in the morning?
As soon as I wake up I have a quenching glass of filtered water to purify my system, followed by another glass of water with a splash of Apple Cider Vinegar added. It’s a wonderful tonic which aids in digestion and has many more benefits.
Who inspires you?
So many people inspire me. But to name a few – Dr Andrew Weil and Dr Joseph Mercola who teach natural health even though they have a medical degree. Jamie Oliver who is constantly striving to transform the way we and our children eat. Michael Pollan who endorses eating local and seasonal food to maximise both human and environmental health. Michelle Obama who is using her status to raise a healthier generation of kids.
Can you share 3 of your top self love & self care tips with us?
Self care is a tough one when you are a busy Mumpreneur!
Morning walks – my morning walks around the beautiful local beaches of Coogee, Gordon’s Bay and Clovelly bring me so much peace and joy. On these walks, I get to connect with nature, clear my mind, get some exercise and start my day off on the right foot (so to speak!). With a full work day, after- school activities, cooking and cleaning etc, it’s usually the only time I get to myself in a day, so I make the most of it.
Morning cup of tea – this is a soothing and relaxing ritual which I need to ease me into the day.
Positive self talk – as someone who suffers with anxiety, positive self talk is a powerful tool in keeping my mind healthy.
You can connect with Brenda here:
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Anyway last night I thought I’d try my hand at making butter. It was kind of a fun experiment but it was also a nice way to start a conversation with my kids about how food is produced and manufactured and what goes into a lot of our food as part of that manufacturing process. I also want them to appreciate where food comes from and how it gets onto our plates. And most importantly I want them to understand how to make healthy food choices. And that’s something I’m still trying to navigate myself in this big confusing world of mixed messages when it comes to food.
Anyway to make butter all you need is double cream. You can add a little salt to taste, but I chose not to.
I poured it into my Kitchenaid mixer with the whisk attachment on a high setting. In no time, the consistency of the cream changed and turned yellow. Shortly after that you will notice the buttermilk separates from the butter. And that’s when you know it’s done. I then placed the butter onto some greaseproof paper and drained the excess buttermilk from the butter. Some people knead it in ice water to get the excess buttermilk off. After that I simply rolled it up into a sausage in the greaseproof paper. You can then also use the buttermilk for baking! Done.
Stay tuned for my next tips on how to make nut milk…
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Everything you think, learn, see and do shapes your brain and changes your life. You are a mind gardener.
This is a message that has transformed the lives of people around the world and one that Mind Gardener® authors, Susan Pearse and Martina Sheehan have been spreading in both the business and personal development fields for decades. They’re running some workshops around the country and I wanted to share their work with you. In their post workshop follow ups the girls are getting amazing results with nearly 100% of people saying it has flowed onto their parenting. So… I’ve asked Susan to share a bit about what their program is about.
**Mindful Parenting readers can get 25% off workshop tickets by using the code “MGFRIEND” at the checkout!**
Why is it important for people to know how to change the way they think?
It is important because your brain determines absolutely everything in your life – whether you have a good relationship with your partner, your job as a parent, whether you will be fulfilled in your career – you name the issue, your brain determines it. That’s because all of our actions are preceded by thoughts. Our thoughts drive our actions (even when we are not aware of them!) And sometimes your thoughts are not the ones that will take you in the direction you want to be heading.
You’ve been training your brain since the day you were born (whether you know it or not) and the mindsets you’ve wired up based on your past are not necessarily useful for your future. That’s why knowing how to change the way you think is a critical skill and one that we focus on in our Wired for Life Workshop.
What’s the key to changing the way you think?
It’s all about understanding how to work with your attention. Attention is your most powerful resource but most of us don’t look after it let alone know how to use it. Let’s look at one example – parenting. You often hear people say “I wish I could give my kids more time.” But it’s not time they are after – it is your attention. We know this because we have all experienced it. Those times where you are physically there with your kids (time) but not present (attention) and they are quick to remind you “mummy you’re not listening!” When you give full attention to your children you see them thrive – they learn, they grow and they flourish. But these times can be infrequent when we are juggling our mental “to-do lists”, the numerous “what if” scenarios that we obsess about (and they never actually happen) and the unhelpful self talk about our own parenting!
After the Wired for Life workshop where people have learnt how to control their attention and pay full attention, 80% of participants reported an improvement in their parenting (just two weeks after!) This was a result of 100% of people reporting that they could manage their emotions better, deal with stress more effectively and focus better. These results were all from learning how to pay attention. And that’s the thing – it is a skill (that no one ever teaches us!)
What’s one thing I could do every day to change the way I think?
At the workshop we give participants a list of homework exercises to complete each day. Here’s one of them. When you wake up, instead of going through your mental “to do” list, let your first thought be this – “I am a mind gardener. Every day I am cultivating my mind and shaping my life.”
Because we are all mind gardeners and when we focus on stress, worry and busy-ness, we wire up our brain and we create that life. So reminding yourself in the morning that every thought counts, changes what you choose to pay attention to!
How do I find out more?
To attend a Wired for Life Workshop find out more here http://mindgardener.com/the-services/courses-workshops/
See the book: Wired for Life, published by Hay House and available in all book stores
Visit the website
Download the “Mind Gardener” app – available on iphone and android
Follow on : Mind Gardener
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The speaker’s at the events do amazing work in their own rights through the work they publish but there’s something in the bringing together of this knowledge that gets you to look at your own life and your own potential, that paves the way to transformation and self realisation.
This year’s speakers include Sonia Choquette whom I adore. She has played a big part in helping me trust my guides and my own intuition and understand that it’s completely natural to do so. My life has changed for the better because of it and now I’m able to nurture this in my kids. Deepak Chopra, who is doing some great work on consciousness will be speaking, along with Wayne Dyer and Doreen Virtue, who are just a few of the other featured authors who will be speaking.
I’m going along this year and will be posting daily wrap ups of my takeouts, but if you’re wanting to go along to the Sydney or Melbourne Event here are all the details you need.
Keep an eye out over the next couple of weeks, for Deepak has shared some thoughts on The Conscious Lifestyle: Awareness Skills - Staying Centered with us, and I’ll also be sharing an interview with Sonia on Raising Six Sensory Kids in a Five Sensory World.
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Welcome to my flashback of mindful mornings at my house.
They wake. They flop on the couch.
“Good morning [insert endearing terms here in my chirpiest morning voice]“.
“No cartoons. Why do I have to repeat myself every morning?”
I turn my back to get breakfast ready and he’s picked up the iPad. She wants the iPad. There is only one iPad. And the iPad is not for mornings. Gosh I hate the iPad.
“No iPad in the morning.”
My chirpy voice just got a bit growly. I don’t like the sound of my growly voice.
I try to block my ears in advance because I know what’s coming.
It’s clearly my fault. I bought the TV and I bought the iPad. Or is it my fault? What do other families do in the morning? How do I stop this from happening?
Kids eat breakfast. I tell them a minimum of one thousand times to get dressed, brush their teeth, and stop arguing. My daughter refuses to let me brush her hair so I chase her from room to room begging her to keep still, promising it won’t hurt but she knows by now that the detangler spray is not magical potion made by fairies and unicorns.
I issue multiple warnings of “hurry up we’re late” and I’m fairly sure my words have gone in one ear and out the other. These children do not care if they are late. I’m tuned in enough to work that one out. I plead with my husband to do “something” or “I’ll be late” because I’m sure “I’m going to get fired” and “this life is just ridiculous” and of course we must be the only family in the entire world who live like this. Husband hauls Miss Pink up onto the kitchen bench for hairbrushing, our most favourable part of the morning.
There surely has to be a better way. This is not Mindful Parenting; I do not have time to stay in the present moment and I’m sure my employer won’t buy it when I explain how important it is to me to have a calm serene household before rocking up to work in the mornings.
I eventually tire of this morning regime that leaves me feeling upset, frustrated and guilty. I don’t want my kids feeling rushed and anything but calm in the mornings. I want them to feel excited about their day. I don’t want them to feel like I do. I get into my car and put on whatever music there is on my iPod that has any chance of calming my nerves by the time I reach the office until one day I decide to make three little tweaks.
Morning readers. Yes. Morning readers. Genius. No iPad. No TV. Reader must be done in the morning. Over breakfast. If it doesn’t, we don’t write it in the folder. And they are at the age that they care. We still do reading (and lots of it) at night but readers are done in the morning. No time for TV, or iPad (which has a home above the fridge these days). Fancy that.
Husband escorts children to brush their teeth and wash their faces. We decided it was easier than issuing the thousand warnings and maybe one day it will become habit.
Involvement 101. I never thought I’d be able to pull this one off but it’s worked beautifully. They love helping out with lunches. Good conversations happen here. With a little supervision and intervention if the clock’s ticking away it’s happy days.
I still don’t have the hairbrushing caper sorted. And they still argue. And sometimes mornings don’t go down that smoothly at all. But for the most part, we have {mainly} mindful mornings.
What do your mornings look like? Got any tips for me?
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One of the reasons I think mums find it challenging to de-stress and gain clarity is because we simply don’t stop. It’s showtime for us from morning to night, and for many of us, even throughout the night. So it makes sense that for us to really tune in to what’s going on in our lives we must stop. Stop to listen, to feel and to breathe so we can take care of our wellbeing.
So… when you’re feeling overwhelmed and desperate to dismount the merry go round, here’s what works for me.
Get back to basics
Pull back from commitments, switch the phone and computer off and go hands free for a bit. The world will still be there once you’re ready to come back. You might have a hundred and one emails to come back to, but trust me, it’s easier to tackle them once you’re feeling refreshed than feeling stressed.
Dial in and check out those feelings
I meditate and do reiki to tune in and balance myself and I gain clarity through writing. You might find that going for a walk, a run, or a massage works for you. Find something that allows you to tune into what’s going on in your life making you feel overwhelmed, stressed, upset (etc) and work on releasing it. If you’re thinking you don’t have time, taking even ten mindful minutes to meditate can be enormously helpful. Build up a daily practice and eventually you’ll find yourself turning to it as soon as you start to feel out of balance.
Spend time doing something you love
Bring some joy back into your life by doing something you love. Doing stuff you love nourishes your soul. Schedule in a me day and give yourself some time to do something you love. You’ll feel refreshed and revitalised for it.
When you think about it, we know what we need to do to get out of overwhelm. It’s just that more often than not we don’t stop to let ourselves get out of it.
What are your thoughts? I’d love to know what works for you. Do you practice any of the above?
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But the universe, in true form, has delivered the signs that it’s time for me to open up my coaching list again. Emails from mamas wanting to move forward and chase dreams but unsure how, and calls for advice, support and help getting unstuck.
So it’s pretty clear to me that it’s time. And I’m excited. So, mamas… if you’re reading this and something in you lights up and you’re in need of a little one on one coaching, here’s how we can work together.
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The gift of a hot stone massage and coffeeberry facial from a husband who cares.
The freedom and trust to make choices and changes.
Teachers who care. And listen. And inspire.
What are you grateful for today? Share your mindful moment.
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One thing I’ve struggled with since becoming a mum is finding my thing. Rediscovering who I really am has been a journey in itself. You see, before having kids, I spent a lot of time living a life that I thought that I wanted to be living, doing what I thought I should be doing. I naively thought that I’d be living in ignorant bliss once I had the job, the car, the guy, the house, and the kids.
I moved overseas when I was 19. I was holidaying in Europe after deferring uni and I happened to meet a lovely waiter in a restaurant in Florence. This year we celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary. In the years I lived in Florence I remember feeling free. I loved the lifestyle, the culture, the freedom and the friendships. In this happy space, I naturally gravitated back to my passion of writing. I started writing about my sweet life in Italy. I started writing for magazines. I was in tune and in the flow. Homesickness eventually got the better of me and after a few moves between countries we found ourselves back in Australia. It was then that I started taking jobs for the sake of paying the bills and fell into careers that I enjoyed and was good at but didn’t feed my soul. So by the time I fell into mothering, I’d lost touch with the real me. I became hybrid work at home, stay at home, juggle it all kind of mum, and later the career mum. I was switched onto autopilot/survival mode, and it’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve taken the time to rediscover myself. I thought I was ready for motherhood but I guess the more I think about it I think nothing can adequately prepare us for the job it is.
It is so easy to be consumed by our parenting and family responsibilities, that when we add work responsibilities to the mix there is very little left to give ourselves. Heck, there is very little left to give ourselves when even if we aren’t working. Which is, I suppose, one of the reasons I feel so strongly about keeping that part of you alive – the things that feed your soul and make your heart sing aside from your little people (or person).
I’ve learnt that I must make the time to nurture myself; because when I’m happier and more balanced, my wellbeing and awesomeness radiates out to those around me. I find the energy I never thought I had. I inject passion into every job I do. It’s not just about slipping in a massage or a pamper session every couple of months. It’s about living life honouring yourself as the woman that is the mother. She can have passions and goals and dreams and loves.
One thing I love about being a writer is the lens through which I see life. I notice smells and expressions, feelings and noises. I begin to capture moments and capturing these present moments nurtures my wellbeing.
And what I love about coaching is the transformation and the renewed passion for life I help facilitate in others. In my coaching I seem to mainly attract mothers {with dreams or businesses or both} as clients. Some have a seed of an idea that they want to nurture into something bigger and some need help finding that seed. It took me a while to find my seed. And it’s taking time to nurture the garden. But it’s blossoming and we can all blossom. Even if we’re mothers. Being in full bloom; in the flow; is a special place to be in. It’s beautiful, natural and comfortable. It’s a happy place to be in. We can gift ourselves the best of both worlds; it’s just about connecting with what it is that we need for ourselves and then we bring that into our lives, step by step, bit by bit.
What do you think? Are you chasing your dreams or following your own passions? If not, why? Talk to me… I love to chat. x
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